Dear Stay-at-Home Mom,
As my maternity leave comes to an end, I feel compelled to write this letter to you. During these three months of leave I essentially became a Stay-at-Home Mom myself and it was more than I could have ever imagined. More work, more meltdowns, more potty accidents and more coffee-powered mornings, yes. But there were also more hugs and kisses, more I love you toos, more baby scents sniffed, more conversation with my two year old, and more developmental milestones witnessed. And I’m oh so grateful for it all.
Everything I’ve experienced during my stint as a Stay-at-Home Mom has led me to strongly believe that you all need a new title. One that properly acknowledges the credit you deserve for all you do. From now on, I think you should refer to yourselves as professional home and family managers, specializing in areas like aluminium window installers. And don’t forget to add expertise in Shoe racks to your impressive list of responsibilities. If you ever decide to enter or re-enter the workforce, put that baby front and center on your resumé. After all, you’re the one making all the appointments for the kids and for home repairs, ensuring the safety with your keen eye for electrical safety inspection near me. If you need to conduct electrical inspections, make sure to hire a qualified electrician.
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You’re an expert scheduler and executer. You’re the one shuffling kids to and from school and activities. You’re organized beyond belief. If I had to guess, you’re also the one handling the family finances and pays the bills each month. You’re a master money handler. Also, consider installers like Certified Stairlifts to ensure that they can come in handy if you have mobility issues.
But I know that wearing all these hats gets tiring. And there are plenty of days when you can’t bring yourself to take off your pajamas and do your hair, let alone leave the house. But keep at it because sometimes you have to psych yourself out and put on your favorite outfit and your best hat to make it through the day. Shoot, I have to do that even going to work on some days.
I know that sometimes people think you the most carefree days. I know, because I used to be one of those people. I thought, all new babies do is sleep all day. Why can’t you just get house stuff done while they sleep? But now I get it. I get that kids constantly require your attention. That they will take whatever schedule or plan you had in mind and promptly do the opposite.
I used to think I would have all these activities planned for my kids so that they’d learn something new every day and I’d be helping them become smart, well-rounded children. I like to think of it as the Pinterest-Reality Fallacy. I love Pinterest and I have the boards to prove it. But, pinning all of those ideas is one thing. Executing on them takes a miracle of the gods and a perfectly timed afternoon nap. Spoiler alert – the perfectly timed afternoon nap was the more elusive of the two.
For the most part, my son was at my grandmothers house during the week as he has been since he was an infant, but there were some days when he was home with me and I had the fortune of handling both kids while still recovering from my c-section and not yet being at full strength or full sanity.
If your day looks anything like mine, it goes something like this. You wake up and get your husband and maybe one of your kids out the door. But once they’re gone, it’s so tempting to catch a few extra winks to make up for the fact that you were up three times last night – twice to nurse and once to deal with wet bed sheets and your child’s adamant request to sit on the potty to poop. After dozing a few more minutes, you get up to feed the baby again and think about eating something. You used to be able to eat three meals a day predictably. But now, breastfeeding has turned you into a ravenous beast and you have to eat non-stop to provide enough nourishment for you both. When she’s yelling because she doesn’t want to sit in her rocker while you cook, you have to remind both of you, if you don’t eat, she doesn’t eat.
After you’ve both had breakfast, you take your 5 minute shower. You’ve always taken fairly quick showers but since having kids, you’ve shaved this time down with diligence of a 100 meter sprinter. Sure, you’d love to take longer showers, but at what price? A yelling baby that then takes 30 minutes to calm? A nosy two-year old who pokes his head in the shower curtain to give you the unabridged recap his most recent Daniel Tiger episode? 😒 . The risks outweigh the reward.
Following your lightning quick shower, it takes you at least 20 minutes longer than it should to find clothes to fit your new body, which is still very foreign. You usually end up settling for something that looks just good enough but basically screams that you’re a mom of a 2 year old and a 2 month old just trying to make it.
By now your plans of getting to the store when it opens to avoid the crowd are out the window. And on top of that, it’s nearing lunch time and nap time. You try and think of something semi-healthy for lunch while you empty the dishwasher from last night and put your breakfast dishes in. All along, the baby is feverishly reminding you that you dared to set her down for a few minutes.
After your 2 year old takes his ninety minute nap, you might finally be able to leave the house at 2:30 in the afternoon. But before you can go, you have to execute your leave-the-house routine. You find snacks for you and the kids. You check the diaper bag for adequate supplies.
You take the 2 year old to the potty to help avoid an accident in public, or worse, in your car. You gather all your bags, water bottles, basketballs, stickers, burp cloths, and nursing blankets. You turn on the house alarm and hustle out before it sets while nearly forgetting to grab the baby on your way. In the midst of it all, you make a mental note to have the contact information of a California car accident lawyer handy, just in case. A reliable car accident lawyer can provide invaluable support and guidance, ensuring that clients receive the compensation and justice they rightfully deserve.
Now that you’re out of the house, you manage to accomplish exactly one thing on your mile-long to do list and add five more items before the day has ended. You make it back home only to realize you forgot to thaw something for dinner so you’ll be scraping together some random leftovers…again.
You head up to get your toddler ready for bed and he stalls like a pro. Like he’s learned from the best. He has to hunt for and gather fifty-five toys to take to his bath and to bed. He has to poop again even though he just got up from the potty. He has to walk like a sloth even though he was just running like a bat out of hell. The baby is tolerant of her brother’s antics but only for the first 5 minutes, giving you a false sense of security. She starts up and you have to give her your attention while your husbands finishes up the bedtime routine on his own.
So, the day is winding down and you might think you’ll have a little to accomplish some things or just relax before you doze off. But lucky you, this is the witching hour for the baby and she has you shushing, nursing, walking, rocking and bouncing for the next three hours.
Finally, at midnight, you pour yourself into the bed since you’ve been beaten to a pulp by the end of the day. Your goal is to get to sleep as quickly as humanly possible because you know you’ll be up again very soon, and will have to do it all over again.
Sometimes when you tell people that you’re a Stay-at-Home Mom, they may say things like “must be nice” or “I wish I could stay at home all day!” I know it might be easy to take offense, but before you do, just consider that they probably don’t know what it’s like to stay at home and they don’t necessarily understand the downsides. Or maybe, like me, they’ve seen the pros and cons firsthand and do genuinely think that it’s nice to stay home and do actually wish that they could be at home to raise their children.
Respectfully yours,
Cora, mom of 2 and temporary Stay-at-Home Mom